Holding Back
by GothicGirl-TX
Summary: On Hiatus - Logan returns five years after Jean's death to attend Rogue's college graduation. Rogue, unwilling to open her heart to him a third time, runs to the arms of another.
1. Default Chapter

"Hurry up Rogue! You are going to miss your own graduation!!" Bobby yelled up the stairs. Rogue looked into the mirror but could not bring herself to smile. This was her day, but her thoughts kept swimming back to Logan. Oh how she missed him and she so wanted him to be here.

It had been five years since Alkali Lake . . . Logan changed after the death of Jean. He became more brooding and very dark. He put up a brave front for Marie, but she saw his loss and it hurt her deeply. Then, one morning, they woke and he was gone . . . with Scott's motorcycle.

Rogue had known, suddenly felt him slip away from her. She hid her feelings from her friends, from Bobby, who would never understand how it was between them. She held a bit of him in her mind after Liberty Island.

She and Bobby joined the team on some of the less dangerous missions after Alkali Lake. They were the first students allowed to train in the danger room and to go on real missions. Of course, they were relegated to grunt work, but they had to start someplace.

Then, three years ago, during a mission in South Carolina while she was waiting at the Blackbird a woman called Ms. Marvel attacked her. No match for her superior strength and ability to fly, her only means of defense was her skin, so she took off her gloves and grabbed her face. Ms. Marvel battered Rogue, pummeled her face and chest, but she managed to hold on. Too long. When the rest of the team came back Ms. Marvel was dead and Rogue was in a coma.

After three weeks in a coma she woke, but not as Rogue, as Carol Danvers. With help from the professor she was able to keep most of Marvels personality repressed. She was not, however, ever able to really control her abilities. The strength and flight did not slowly fade like the other powers she had borrowed in the past. With her new gifts she was an ever growing asset to the team.

Time passed and now she was about to graduate from College a full two years before any of her friends. Who knew she was a super geek? She wanted to be the best now, never be that poor little mutant girl from Mississippi again.

She zipped up her robe, put on the best smile she could manage, and made her way down the stairs. Bobby was waiting for her and she could not help but smile at him, a smile more genuine than any of her earlier attempts, as he held out his hand for her gloved one.

"You look so beautiful, Rogue . . ." Bobby was all boyish adoration, and Rogue felt a terrible guilt . . . she had broken things off with him after South Carolina. It felt good to be wanted, but it was too easy to lose control. Besides, the man she really loved had abandoned her and she could not cheat Bobby out of a chance at real happiness. He still hoped, she realized, that things might change between then. 

"Look, since you won't let me drive you, we will meet you here after the ceremony and then we can have a big dinner anywhere you want. OK?" Bobby brushed his hand through her hair and turned to grab Jubilee and Kitty, who were chatting by the rec room. Rogue nodded and headed to the garage.

She slipped her hand into the large leather bag she carried when she heard a soft sigh come from the back of the garage. She stopped dead and listened. Silence. She walked to the back and peered between all the cars. Nothing. "Ah need more sleep," she scolded herself as she slid into the front seat of her sporty red BMW, a present from the professor for all her hard work, and sped off.

The ceremony took an eternity to finish. The crowd was full of watery-eyed parents and bored children. She scanned the crowd and stopped at the familiar faces of her friends at the school. The professor smiled as she looked his way. Rogue, you have done so well. We are all proud of you. She smiled in return and looked back at the stage.

Then she felt it, the prickling of awareness that she only felt when Logan was around . . . she clenched her silk covered hands and used every ounce of will power she had not to stand and scream his name.

Her row stood and made their way to the stage. Two years of hard work, of doing her best to impress . . . she shook her head and told herself it did not matter now. With her best fake smile in place she took her diploma and headed back to her seat. Her cheering section, headed up by Kurt, Kitty and Jubilee cheered and chanted her name. Storm hugged the arm of beast and wiped tears from her eyes. She scanned the audience for Logan but she did not see him as the next line of graduates stood to accept their diplomas.

"Oh my gosh, Roguey!!!!" Jubilee screamed once they reached the parking lot, "You are, like, so adult now!" She vaulted herself at Rogue and hugged her best friend as tight as she could.

"Thanks Jubes," Rogue laughed, "Ah am, like, sooo happy!" she drawled in her teasing way to her Valley Girl buddy. Bobby hugged her from behind and planted a kiss on the top of her hair. After making idle chitchat about the ceremony Rogue suggested they get back to the mansion so the party could begin. Everyone agreed and turned to walk to Bobby's car.

Bobby jogged up behind her and said "Rogue, let me drive you." He tried to snatch the keys from her hand, but Rogue was having none of it. "Bobby, sugah, that would be very silly. You drive back and we will meet at the mansion. Ah do not want to leave my new baby here, and Ah do not want you drivin' her yet!" She winked and turned to find her car.

She had gotten to the stadium late and had to park at the back of the lot. Digging for her keys, she almost missed the familiar sent of cigars. Of Logan. Pulse pounding she whipped her head up to see where it was coming from. In the distance, standing next to her red BMW.

She felt her knees begin to buckle, but willed herself to walk again. The causal way he was leaning against her car, the look in his eyes . . . Her mood was not up for this, and her temper was up and it was HIS fault. She waged a little war between her desire to hug him and to kill him. All frost she smiled and said, "Well, well, well. If it isn't Logan. Come to see the kid graduate?"

Logan had been away for five years. When he left he told himself it was better if constant reminders of Jean did not surround him. And then there was the issue of Rogue. Poor kid, looking at him like a sick puppy, she wanted something he was not willing to give. She was the kid, the little thing he picked up in Canada. He knew she deserved better than him and he was in no frame of mind to be what she needed. She wanted to help, but how could he tell her that the choices he was making were for the best.

Stryker, the key to his past, died at the lake and he needed to find who he was. What had Stryker meant about what he was and what he had done? Really, he had little choice. Grieving for Jean, longing for a past he decided to leave. He felt like a coward, but packed his bags and took old one-eyes bike again.

Then, two months ago he had gotten a letter from 'Ro, no telling how she found him, telling him that Rogue was going to be graduating from College two years ahead of her friends with a degree in Criminal Justice and that if he could try to come by . . . well it would make her so happy.

Not sure that going back was a wise move, the mansion held so may memories of Jean, of Marie and of his past. But, he made a promise in the train station to look after Rogue, a promise he had been lax in keeping. Going back was not going to be easy but he wanted to see Rogue again. She was never far from his thoughts anyway. Many nights he would wonder how she may have changed, if she changed. His memory of the girl in the trailer would never grow up. She was the kid.

He arrived at the mansion the day of her graduation and it was deserted. A blue convertible passed him as he turned into the drive. At the wheel was that blond kid that was all over Rogue five years ago . . . he growled deep in his throat. He wondered if Rogue and Bobby were still an 'item'. The thought did not please him. Didn't like it five years ago in the kitchen before the mansion was invaded and it he did not like it now. 

During the drive he had created a mental image of his return. Rogue, sweet and young, would rush to greet him again, flustered and infatuated, no doubt. He would stay one night and then make his excuses. Just check on the kid, make sure she was getting along ok.

What he was not prepared for was Rogue. When she came into the garage on her way out he nearly fell off Cyce's bike! Her graduation robe did little to hide the changes that five years had made. She looked like a woman now, not the child he left. Her hair had grown to her waste and she wore it in tumbled red waves threaded with streaks of snow white. Before he could contain it he sighed. She heard because she stopped and whipped around to see where the noise came from.

Her face was lovely, her brown eyes were wide and . . . what? Obviously they were wary at the intrusion, but there was also an underlying sadness. He knew that feeling all to well and that made it easy to recognize in others. He carefully evaded her and watched as she searched for the source of the noise. Not a girl at all, he mused. Rogue was all grown up and not hard to look at. She shook her head and took off in a sporty little red car.

Unable to resist, he followed her and made it in time to see her take her diploma. Instead of sitting with the X-nerds he headed back out to Rogue's car. He wanted to have a private reunion and avoid the Professor and all the rest of them. And, if he was being honest, he wanted to talk to Rogue alone.

Now, she stood before him, her eyes wary and sarcasm dripping off every word she spoke. He pushed himself off the car and walked to her. Her cool facade was just that. He looked into her eyes and saw longing and sadness . . . he felt a punch of guilt . . .

"Hi'ya, Marie." He smiled and tossed his cigar away. She smirked and started a frantic search her keys. "Listen, Logan, Ah'm in a bit of a hurry. I gotta' meet Bobby, Kitty and Jubes for dinner. Your welcome to join us if you like," She pushed past him and began to fumble with her keys.

"Is that all the welcome I get?" he asked, pretending that his pride was wounded more than it was. He could smell the excitement on her, a smell he liked more than he wanted to. Growing more predatory he moved behind her turned her to face him as he said, "I was expecting a hug at least."

"This is all the welcome you get. It is more welcome than you deserve, you . . . you . . ." she closed her eyes and clenched her fists. Tears were behind her eyes, he knew it. He drew his fingers through the white streak in her hair, remembering vividly how she earned it. She was tough.

"Logan, Ah have plans . . . it is good to see you, really, but Ah must be goin'." She brushed his hand away and tried to turn but he blocked her. "Marie, I am so sorry I left but . . ."

"Really, Ah understand. You needed time to get over Jean. You were always hung up on her. We all knew. Ah also know you still have questions about your past . . . I have these dreams . . . It's ok you leavin'. Now, Ah really must be goin!"

He was struck dumb by her statement. She shared his dreams? Of course, when she touched him at Liberty Island . . . "I'm sorry you have had to live with my demons," he said as he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close, "and I should not have left again. I'm sorry." She smelled damn good and felt better. Like . . . home.

Before he could react Rogue had him by the collar and pushed him away, then in a swift fluid motion lifted off the ground and took off like a shot.

'What the hell was that?!?'

'That no good son-of-a-bitch!' Rogue was fuming. 'How dare he waltz back into my life like this and expect me to pretend that he did not leave with out so much as a, 'see ya''. She vaulted into the sky, into the only retreat she really had, from school, from her friends, and now from Logan.

Bitter tears mixed with tears of joy at seeing him, just seeing him again. This was crazy and she pushed harder into the wind, tearing at the gown and cap. Her body screamed to go back and let Logan hold her again. Hadn't she dreamed of that since the day she first saw him in that cage in Canada?

She needed to get away. The mansion was out because Bobby, Jubes and Kitty would want to party and she knew she could not manage. But, to go out alone, find some nice dangerous man to flirt with . . . she shook her head. That was all Ms. Marvel . . . but the idea had some merit. Just a good flirt.

Diving back toward earth, she decided on just the place. A hole-in- the-wall biker bar that Carol Danvers had been to . . . that Rogue remembered . . . would do nicely.

The Ace of Spades. Oh dear, what had she gotten herself into. Granted, she could fend off the attentions of the biggest bikers out there, but why make a scene?? She sat at the bar, ordered a beer and scanned the room. The predatory sensations, none that were hers but there all the same, took over. There were sweaty bikers, drinking too much and boasting about their bikes, dirty women and dirtier men playing a round of pool with a side of x-rated.

None of this appealed, and as she was about to give this fools mission up she spotted a card game, but not really so much the card game as one of the players. He had dark red hair, wore a long dark coat and screamed danger. He looked up, almost as if on cue, and smiled a sultry smile. Rogue's insides began to bubble.

Those eyes, like none she had ever seen before, were red ringed in black. He winked and went back to his cards. Realizing she was staring, she quickly looked back at her now tepid beer. This was silly, she got up to leave when a dark, smoky voice laced with an accent only Cajuns had said, "Where you runnin' off to chere?"

She turned and was drawn into his gaze. Up close his eyes were alive with shimmering red. She felt a deep blush creep up her neck. "Ah was just 'bout to go. Ah've got friends expectin' me" Her voice was breathy and her accent was deeper than usual. Her reaction to him was staring to disturb her.

He moved in closer and smiled. "Now, ma petit, you would not go off and leave Gambit here in this dangerous place alone? Besides," he whispered, "if you in 'dis bar, you not really wanting to be wit' your fiends, no?" He was trouble. She could tell but she found she did not care. He smelled of expensive cologne and tobacco.

"How 'bout you let Gambit here buy you a drink, chere. We get to know one another." He waved over the bartender and ordered whiskey and two glasses.

"Ah've really . . . Ah mean. . . damn it!" she shook her head and smiled at him, a soft and sultry smile. He smiled back and took her upper arm. "Why don't you and I find a place a little more comfortable?" With bottle and glasses in hand he led Rogue to a table in the corner. He sat and poured. "My name is Remy LaBeau, but you call me Gambit."

"Ah'm Rogue."

He could smell her, could track her across the earth on foot, but in the air, that was a different matter. Having no idea where to start he headed back to the mansion. Maybe she had gone home to have that dinner with her little ice-pop boyfriend and her other X-buddies. With his temper held by a thread he sped back.

Bobby was pacing in the garage when he pulled up. The hope in Bobby's eyes quickly faded to disappointment, then surprise, and finally challenge.

"What are you doing here?" Bobby demanded. His eyes started to sparkle blue and Logan felt a cool breeze tickle his cheeks. "Rein it in, kid. I'm lookin' for Rogue. Is she here?" He knew that she wasn't and Bobby only confirmed it. Bobby still had the challenge in his eyes, and Logan had to admit that Ice-pop was not so little anymore.

That ticked him off. This punk had better not have done anything to his Marie. He stopped himself. When did Marie become his? That was easy. The moment he found her hiding in the trailer . . . when she gave him back the dog tags she had obviously worn every day he was gone while they sped away from the invasion of the mansion.

His thoughts were interrupted when Storm appeared in the drive. "Logan, I was hoping you would come. Rogue is not here. . . " She looked from Bobby to Logan. The tension was tangible. "Why don't you come inside, Logan. The professor would like to talk to you."

"No," Logan grunted, "I need to find Rogue . . . she took off after the ceremony and I need to talk to her"

"You were there?!" Bobby launched an ice shard at Logan. "What did you do to her!!" Logan ducked and before he could stop himself released his claws and had them pointed at the Bobby's throat.

"That is enough!!" Storm punctuated her statement with a clap of thunder. Logan retracted his claws slowly and Bobby relaxed. "Now, Logan, before you go after Rogue we need to discuss a few things. She has changed."

"If you mean the flying, I know. That is how I lost her."

Strom nodded, "That is not all Wolverine." With that, Storm turned and went inside.

Bobby looked at Logan, nearly snarling he said, "She waited for you. You have no idea what you missed, who she is now. I was there for her, I helped her. You left. Remember that. Rogue has."

Logan went inside where Storm was waiting. "Shall we go up then? The professor is anxious to speak to you." He followed and a small seed of dread planted itself inside him. What had happened to her?

"So, what brings a pretty t'ing like you out to a dirty place like this?" Remy was startled that this pretty young woman would be in this part of town, let alone Spades. He watched sip her drink. The grimy light of the bar did little to hide her pretty face.

"Ah needed to get away for a while, and I found this bar. Looked like my kind of place," she chuckled ironically, knowing she could not be further from the truth. She looked into his face and relaxed. He did not know her or expect anything from her. He did not know that touching her was a death sentence. They drank and they talked until the bartender hollered last call.

Rogue stood, confident that she was sober, and wavered, just a bit. Gambit was up in an instant, his strong arms around her waist holding her steady and very close. The smell of him lit a spark of longing that both surprised and delighted her. How long had it been since a man had made her feel this way?

"Why don't you let Remy take you home, chere. 'Dis no kind of neighborhood for you to be in 'dis late . . . " She looked deeply at him, then grinned, "I'm just a bit tipsy," she admitted mostly to herself. "Why, Cajun'," she drawled, "Ah would almost think you were tryin' to be rid of me!" She pouted, teasingly at him. He tightened his grip on her, bringing his lips inches from hers.

"Chere, the last thing Gambit wants is for you to leave." He leaned in closer, "'Dis Cajun be happy like 'dis forever." She saw he was coming in to kiss her and she pushed away. Hiding her fear and she headed for the door. As she pushed through into the parking lot Gambit caught up to her.

"Listen Rogue, Gambit did not mean to upset you." He moved in front of her and she shook her head. "No, it is not you," she said, "it' is me. I can't touch you with out puttin' you in danger. Ah'm a mutant." She turned to leave when a playing card whizzed past her ear and exploded like a black cat on the street in front of her. Eyes wide she turned and looked at the Cajun.

"I'm a mutant too, chere. No need to run from me." He took her arm and led her to a motorcycle. "Let Gambit give you a ride home. Ok, chere?" Feeling better than she had in months because of this man, she agreed and hopped on behind him.

"Where you live, Chere?"

It was nearly 3am. Wolverine looked at the clock in the mantel again. Where the hell was she?

Bobby had waited until midnight, then he took off to see if he could find her. At one am he called to tell Logan that her car was still parked the stadium. Logan was worried. What if she got into an accident? What if she took off and did not want to come back? Had he driven her to leave?

The professor told him all about her training, her education and her run in with Ms. Marvel. Xavier told him about the struggle to suppress Danvers personality, Rogues bouts of depression and her almost fanatical discipline at school. He felt his old guilt pile upon new guilt. If he had been there this would not have happened. He should have been there for her, to protect her like he promised.

He stepped out the front door to light a cigar when he heard the rumble of a motorcycle engine. He could smell her. And someone else. He stepped back into the shadows of the porch and watched as a strange looking redheaded man rode up with Rogue behind him.

"Thanks again for the ride, Remy." Rogue said as the stranger helped her off the bike. Logan held back the urge to claw the guys face off. He could sense that the other man was trouble, and he had his hand on Rogues waist. Not good.

"You welcome, chere."

So, he is Cajun. "Swamp rat," Logan muttered.

He watched as the Cajun ran his hand over her hair and looked at her, then reach into his jacket and pull out a deck of cards. He took one and scribbled something on it, then slipped it into the pocket of her green silk shirt. He winked and she blushed while she tucked her hair behind her ear. She was flirting big time. His claws started to extend from his knuckles slowly . . .

"You call Gambit anytime, chere." He leaned close and whispered something to her then got on his bike and sped off into the night. Rogue looked at the house, shrugged then wandered into the garden.

He followed her, waiting for the right moment to approach her. She stopped in front of a small bench by a cluster of trees and sat contemplating the card that Cajun had given her. Quietly he moved behind her then struck a match to light his cigar. Rogue jumped, clearly startled.

"Logan." Anger flashed in her pretty eyes. "Are you spyin' on me?" she demanded. 'Let her get nervous' Logan thought as he took a deep drag from his cigar.

Her pulse began to race. When had she gotten so careless that she did not hear the approach of someone from behind? Straightening her shoulders, she stood and glared at Logan.

He looked good. His face hidden by shadows, all she could really see was his long lean body propped up against a tree and the dim red glow of his cigar.

"Been waitin' for ya' Marie. I wasn't done talkin' to ya' when you took off. There are a lot of things that I need to explain to you, and there are a lot things I hope you want to tell me." He pushed away from the tree and walked slowly toward Rogue. "But first," he growled, "tell me about your friend back there."

"Bit late to be comin' over all paternal, Logan." Rogue shot back as she moved away from him. Her retreat was only as far as the bench. Looking for another escape route she started to cut to the right when Logan grabbed her arm.

"No, you're not runnin' away again." He clamped his cigar between his teeth and pulled Rogue back to the bench and made her sit. She could get away from him if she really wanted to. The look in his eyes made her a little afraid of what he might do if she did escape again and he found her.

Heat crept up her neck as he studied her. Growing uncomfortable under his gaze she began to toy with the tips of her gloves. "What do you need to say to me that Ah don't already know, Logan. I absorbed your memories, your thoughts, part of you back at Liberty Island. You left and I told you I understand. What else is there?" She kept her gaze down, too afraid to see the truth in his eyes.

His memories told her all she needed to know. She was just some kid that he felt obligated to protect. Obviously obligation did not mean much to him, she thought.

"Marie, I had to go. I was messed up after Alkali Lake. I lost the only person who knew my past and . . ."

"Don't call me Marie" Rogue said quietly. Hot tears welled up in her eyes. Never once did she dare tell Logan how she felt for him. She knew that Jean was all he really wanted and that is also why he had to go, she told herself. Seeing the mansion, her lab, would be too painful for him. The tears spilled onto her cheeks. "Ah'm sorry. I can't help it." She sniffed, "but I can't do this."

Abruptly she stood and started to move past him. His hand shot out and took her arm again. "Rogue, things are … complicated. I got back today looking for the kid I left and I find someone else. You've grown up, and I missed that." Rogue quit pulling away and stood still, tears still rolling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry."

'Ah missed you Logan. Ah needed you and you weren't here.' She thought this bitterly. "The professor wanted to send for you after . . . well you must know by now, my run in with Ms. Marvel. I wouldn't let'm." She felt Logan tense. "You left, and I do not know why you came back, but you shouldn't have." Starting to lose control of herself she started to speak more quickly, "I had all these crazy dreams about . . ." she stopped and bit her lip. She was slipping.

Logan pulled her to face him. "What darlin'? Dreams of what," he moved closer, putting his lips inches from her ear and growled, "Tell me . . ." Her stomach began to quiver, "Just go, Logan." She managed to whisper before pushing him away and running to the mansion.

The next morning broke clear and bright. Logan did not get much sleep, but he really did not need it. He was down in the danger room working out some tension and thinking about Rogue.

It was mildly disturbing to have thoughts about her as if she was an ordinary woman. Self-loathing mixed with shame in him. He tried to focus on Jean. He had wanted her so much and after she was killed he felt part of him die with her. The hardest thing he ever did was tell Scott the truth about who she really wanted.

He never thought that he would want another woman the way he wanted Jean. Now the smell of Rogue assailed him, her presence caused him to feel that tugging need again. He shook his head and cursed himself for a fool. First he chooses a woman that he can't have because she belonged to another, then he chooses a woman he can't have because he could never touch her.

And, deep down, he knew that he would choose Rogue.

That thought had him abusing the punching bag harder than before. Working so hard he did not notice the figure watching him in the door of the danger room. Scott cleared his throat and smiled slightly at Logan.

"It's been a while Logan. Sorry I was not able to greet you properly yesterday, but after the ceremony I had to go on a mission in New York." Scott pushed himself into the room. Logan tilted his head and took in Scott's appearance. He had aged. Not that he looked old, but tired and thin.

"Good to see you too, slim. How have things been?"

"Not too bad." Scott looked away and continued, "I do not know how long you plan to stick around this time, but the professor and I talked about it and you would be a big help around here for the next few months … if you care to stay." Scott turned to leave before Logan could respond but added over his shoulder, "Think it over Logan. No pressure, but there are some things around here that could use your help."

Logan was shocked. He expected Scott to demand him to leave, or at the very least be indignant that he was here. 'The loss has mellowed him,' Logan thought. He considered One-eyes offer as he continued with his work out. This could give him an excuse to stick around and play out his feelings for Marie.

This was certainly an offer worth pondering.

Rogue was up before the sun to have her daily run. She wanted to clear her head and gain some focus. Memories of last night made sleep elusive. What sleep she did manage was filled with dreams of Logan. He was a distraction she did not need. Today she had her first appointment with the doctor the professor had told her about a few months.

Rogue slipped into a pair of back spandex running shorts, a long sleeved green spandex hooded tank and black bike gloves. She pulled her long hair into a pony tail, slipped on her best pair of worn out running shoes, and she hit the pavement.

She controlled her breathing to keep pace with her long strides. Control was one thing Rogue understood. Dr. McCoy had promised to help her try to gain some control over her own skin, the one aspect of herself that she did not have a handle on. He had some theories about bio-magnetic fields that sounded promising, but she dared not get her hopes up. Thoughts of Logan caressing her bare back invaded her thoughts. She banished them back and ran faster to escape the hope and the dream she held close to her heart.

Why had he come back? Jean was gone and after yesterday she was sure that he would not have been around longer than it took to hot wire a car. A bike, his voiced said in her thoughts, definitely a bike. Stopping she bent at the waste and tried to catch her breath.

This was getting out of hand fast! Just when she was getting used to life with out him, here he marches back in again. She had learned to live with the need, had almost mastered suppressing her desire for him. Her temper was starting to rise. Honestly, how dare he? After ditching her not once, but twice! She sprinted back to the mansion. She needed the stair master and some weights.

The sun was fully up now and the fresh air that was supposed to clear her brain was making her grumpy. Jogging down to the gym she flipped the switch for the lights, popped in her favorite mix CD for working out, a combo of loud rock and grinding techno, and jumped on the stair climber. Sweat began to pour off her face and neck. She needed this physical work to keep her mind from wandering.

Hopping from the stair climber to the rowing machine she began to pump the oars furiously, her super strength more than the small machine could handle. Her heart rate was dropping so she jumped off and headed to the weight bench. None of this was giving her a challenge so he decided to run a training program in the danger room.

She grabbed a towel and switched off the music and lights then headed across the hall. That is where she saw him, his grey t-shirt long ago discarded, clad only in black sweat pants. Focused on his workout he did not hear her enter immediately.

She stood and watched him. His muscles were tight and well defined. His skin was perfect and dripping with sweat. She started to chew her lower lip, her hands itching to touch what she could never touch.

He stopped and turned to her. The look of annoyance evaporated instantly. His eyes traveled up and down her body and the look in his eyes shifted from the surprise at seeing her to something she could not exactly read. It felt predatory.

She shifted and looked back at Logan, the events of the day before still fresh in her mind. Not yet ready for the confrontation she knew was coming, she turned to leave.

"Marie, wait," Logan called to her, "just wait." She turned and he walked closer to her. She slowly shook her head, her pulse starting to pound in her ears. Her anger was starting to melt into a steady heat. This is not how this is supposed to happen.

"Logan," she whispered, "Ah should go."

He could smell her before he heard her. If she wanted to take a peek, let her, he thought. It is good to know that you are not the only one that wants. When he turned to her his stomach muscles tightened. She stood in the door, sweat soaking her shirt, her auburn and white ponytail swinging slightly behind her head, small wisps of hair clinging to her sweaty cheek. And her legs were bare, and very well defined.

His sharp senses picked up the smell of sweat. His and hers. It hit him hard that the scent pleased him. Her eyes were wide, wary of him. She was chewing her lower lip, 'her habit' he mused. He wondered how that would feel to run his tongue along that full swollen lip.

There were no words he could think to tell her. She was so beautiful this way, sweaty and warm. Their eyes were locked and he hoped that he could convey all his desire, his need. She suddenly turned to leave, her fear evident in her eyes. He called for her to wait. She stopped and looked back at him.

"Logan, " she whispered, "Ah should go."

"Wait, not yet. We still need to talk . . ." He stepped closer, slowly so she did not fully realize how close he had gotten until he reached out and grabbed her arm.

"No Logan. I have nothing to say to you."

"Marie, please. I did things badly last night. I was mad because of what happened in the parking lot. Then you came home with that Cajun."

"Who Ah see, and when Ah come home are no concern of yours, Logan. You gave up any right to that when you left." Anger sparked in her eyes. She pulled her arm free and walked into the middle of the room. "Do you have any idea how long I waited for you to come back?"

He could hear tears behind her anger.

"After Jean died I couldn't stand to stay." Logan said.

"Ah know Logan." She said as she tapped her head. "You are up here. Ah know how you feel for Jean." The anger was slowly being replaced by hurt. He could sense it. "And I felt it too. The part of you in me grieved for Jean." She looked at Logan, fresh tears sliding down her cheeks as she whispered, "And you left me alone . . . with that pain and hurt."

"I have changed since the last time you touched me, darlin'." He advanced on her, reaching out to grab her again. She floated off the ground and sped to the right. With a growl he moved to cut her off.

"Logan, stop! Ah can't do this now. Let me go." Swiftly she flew around the room toward the door, but jumped in her way. She pulled up sharply. "You know Ah can snap you like a twig, sugah." She drawled to him, the sweetness in her voice not quite reaching her eyes.

"Just try it, darlin'," Logan growled, "I dare ya!" The challenge in his voice was mingled with desire.

Rogue looked at him. "You know, you are not the only one to change Logan. I have grown up and am living my life. Your graduation visit can be over now." With that she settled on the ground again and gave him a very cool look.

"Funny you should mention my leaving," he said, smiling at her with great amusement, "Scott and Chuck have asked me to stay on for a bit. Looks like my visit will last longer than either of us expected." He walked out of the room, pleased beyond measure by the look of shock on her pretty face.

Rogue managed to avoid Logan for the rest of the day. The whole school was a buzz about the Wolverine's return. Bobby confronted her before lunch about the night before. She told him that where she had been was of no concern to him. Sharper than she intended to be with him, she felt guilty for treating him the way she did. She made a mental note to apologize later.

After lunch she had her first appointment with Dr. McCoy. Beast is what he said to call him. He was almost 6'10" and covered with thick blue- black fur. He was handsome, smart and had an air of educated danger. Rogue liked him instantly.

First he took her vitals, did a physical and then did a stress test. Her super ability was making this test too easy and Beast suggested she run a training simulation in the danger room. He needed her readings at a high level of exertion.

She agreed, since she wanted to run one this morning before she ran into Logan.

Beast secured some remote sensors to her temples, the base of her neck and the upper part of her chest. She let him choose an advanced simulation she had not done before. In her best defensive stance she began the program.

In the upper control room Beast monitored her vitals and her progress in the simulation. She was fast, strong and well trained. Her vitals did increase to a level beyond what he was expecting and by the end of the exercise she was ready to drop.

"Rogue," Beast called her over the intercom, "I think I have what I need today. Why don't we call quits and meet at the same time tomorrow. Then I can start taking blood and tissue samples?"

"Sure, Beast sugah'," her voice dripping with sarcasm, "Ah can hardly wait!"


	2. Two

Chapter 2 -

Thanks for all the great reviews!! I am kind of slow to update since I am working on two stories, but I hate to leave things unfinished, so be patient!!

GG

After her session with Beast Rogue flew to the University and brought her car home. Then Rogue went back to her room thinking of the lovely hot shower that waited there for her. One luxury she allowed herself was long hot showers, and after the last few days she felt she needed that luxury now. She turned on the steaming spray and shrugged out of her stinky warm- up suit. As the bathroom filled with steam she looked at her face in the mirror.

She was the same girl she had always been, the same middle-class girl from Mississippi deep down. She had grown up, and her features reflected it, but there was more in her now, memories that were hers and not hers, thoughts she had that felt natural yet alien. To have so much inside that did not belong to you was a blessing and a curse.

There was a touch of Bobby in the fringes of her mind from their shared kiss in his bedroom. He was sweet and shy with that kind of fondness only young men have. Cody was there too, young and innocent. He had a greater presence in her mind because the contact had been longer. That brought her to Magneto, who seemed only to try and force his way forward when she was feeling weak. He demanded she remain strong. As much as she hated him for what he had done to her on Liberty Island she had reconciled things with the part of him in her head. She had not forgiven him, not sure if she ever would, but knew in order to function she had to learn to live with him.

Of course there was Carol Danvers. Her personality threatened to take over, and had for a short while when she had woken from her coma, until the Professor helped suppress her. She did, on occasion, offer her memories, her thoughts and her emotions when Rogue was in crisis. This surprised Rogue since Carol had attacked her before she was absorbed. One of the professor's theories was that Carol has not accepted, or is not aware of her own physical death. If the professor is there might be trouble if she ever discovered the truth.

Lastly, there was Logan. She didn't run from his memories like the others, but had escaped into him and embraced the strength he provided. She felt safe with him roaming around her head, almost as if he here protecting her from herself. Of course the price of that freedom was the dreams. Long, tortured dreams about labs and pain. Just thinking about those dreams sent shivers down her spine. She could not understand what he had suffered, but she knew he felt his past had been stolen and he wanted it back.

The other price was the depression. After Jean's death she felt keen sadness and guilt. It was hard to determine if the pain she felt over Jean's death was her own or Logan's. After so many years of his personality and memories inside her she had to fight to repress the depression and the sadness after her own wounds had begun to heal.

Slipping under the hot spray she contemplated what she would do now. The Professor had offered her a staff position at the school teaching Physical Education. This position would also allow her to be a full-time member of the team and move on from ops. She would no longer be relegated to the Blackbird or grunt work like guarding doors and prepping supplies.

While the offer was better than she could have wished, she had not yet accepted it. There was an organization called the Avengers. They paid their members pretty well, as far as she could tell, and they had extended an offer to her as second team leader in California. That would mean re-locating but a change might be just what she needed. She had time and decided, and she wanted to give herself a few weeks to see where her head was. Life had a way of making the hard choices for you, she mused.

But what about Logan? Everything in her said that he would leave at any moment, just like the last time and the time before that. He could not be trusted with her heart again and she would me a fool to hand it to him. And there was Remy. True, she had only met him last night, but there was something there that was worth checking out. Even if it did not work out, she owed it to herself to at least see.

Finishing up in the shower she wrapped herself in a thick towel and headed to the bedroom. She did not have any plans for the evening and was thinking that a night spent in bed with the latest murder thriller sounded good when she spotted the playing card on her dresser.

Remy.

Memories of his smoky voice and strange glowing eyes sent a quiver through her belly. She had not yet decided if she would call the Cajun. Was she willing to put away her girlish hopes for Logan and take a chance on a stranger? Deciding this was a debate for another night she slipped on a gray and black terry running suit and swept her long hair into a ponytail.

A long night with a book is what she needed to take her mind off her troubles. That and snacks, she thought. Popcorn, sodas and maybe some candy would do nicely. As she headed down to the kitchen to raid the pantry she hummed to herself. Her encounter with Remy HAD made her feel a lot better. Better than she had felt in . . . well a long time. It is one thing to be wanted by a boy, images of Bobby popped into her mind, and another to be the person left wanting, thinking of Logan she sighed, and another thing altogether to be wanted by a MAN. And, Remy was indeed a man.

Beast was in the kitchen brewing a cup of tea. Herbal tea if her nose was not off. She gave him a breezy smile and began to toss bags of junk food on the counter with wanton abandon. Hank watched with an amused expression on his face as she tossed a bag of ultra-movie theater butter popcorn in the microwave.

"Surely you do not intend to eat all of that?" He looked at the food and back to Rogue with avid interest.

"Ah plan to eat as much of it as I can. Ah get the urge to snack when Ah read, and Ah intend to read a lot tonight!" She smiled and added to the pile a six-pack of diet soda which made Beast chuckle. She continued, "Are my eating habits part of the research you are doin' on me?" She popped a cookie in her mouth and rested her elbows on the counter as she chewed.

Beast smiled broadly and said, "No my dear, this is just my own curiosity." He turned to leave, but not before plucking a cookie. As he reached the door he said, "Speaking of research, why don't we try for 11am tomorrow? Will that work for you?"

"Sure, Beast. Ah can't say Ah'm lookin' forward to it, but Ah'll be there."

Rogue's popcorn was ready and she dumped it into a big plastic bowl, grabbed the rest of her snacks, and headed back to her room. All she wanted was a night alone. No Wolverine, no decisions about her future, just trashy novels.

She tossed her shacks on the bed, except her popcorn which she was still snacking on and went to her bookshelf. As she crouched to choose a book the intercom in her room beeped and Kitty's voice came through.

"Rogue, there is a package down here for you. Looks like flowers"

"What," she asked in surprise, "flowers for me? You sure?"

"Sure am, Rogue. Want me to bring them up?" Kitty could hardly suppress her excitement.

"No, that is ok. Just leave them in the kitchen and Ah'll come down later."

She heard the disappointment in Kitty's voice as she reluctantly agreed. Her friend was likely bursting to know where the flowers had come from. Chances are they were from Remy and she was not quite ready to explain him to anyone just yet.

Selecting not one but three of her favorite novels she finally went down to get her package. Rogue knew that Logan was in the kitchen before she made it to the door. He was drinking a soda and looking at the box with a mix of curiosity and disgust. His head snapped up as she entered.

"Looks like someone got flowers." There were no traces of amusement in his tone. He continued, "Know who they're from?" She schooled her features into a look of careless happiness as she approached and lifted the box. "Ah have an idea, Logan. Goodnight."

"Hold on," he grabbed her shoulder, "Don't you want to open them?"

She closed her eyes and pulled herself free, and with a tone lighter than she felt said "Sure, but these are not your business. Nothing Ah do is." She looked directly at him and his eyes flashed a warning. Rogue felt the hair on her neck stand. "Oh no, Logan, don't you try that tough guy routine on me. You know it doesn't work on me. Ah'm not afraid of you."

The words were brave. Much braver than she really felt and she was afraid it would show.

"If you are not afraid, darlin', why don't you open your flowers?" Logan propped his hip against the counter and looked pointedly at her.

"Fine," she said. "If it is that important to you, Ah'll open them."

Her fingers fumbled with the bow and Wolverine extended a claw and gently cut the green fabric. Rogue pulled the box open and was greeted by cheerful wildflowers. With icy fingers she lifted the small card and read:

Rogue,

Spades was nice. Dinner would be better. You know  
the number.

Remy

Rogue smiled slightly and Logan grunted. "What's it say?"

Looking up, feeling almost guilty, as she tucked the card into her pocket she shook her head. "Ah already told you it was none of your business. Goodnight. Again"

Logan grunted. Why was he so jealous? Just a week ago he hardly gave her a thought, now he could not keep her off his mind.

And now she was getting flowers.

From a stranger.

A Cajun.

This was not good. Not good at all. Earlier that evening he had visited the Professor and discussed his offer to stay on. Logan made it very clear that he had no intention of staying for longer than a few months at the most. The Professor agreed and let him know the project he would need him for would not require that long.

The Professor wanted Logan to create a Physical Education/Self Defense course with Rogue. He was holding on to this piece of information since he was sure that Rogue did not know. He had to consider this very carefully.

This job would give him time with Rogue. Time he needed to work out how he felt for her and how he wanted to pursue this . . . feeling. It would also give him a chance to keep an eye on her. Never had he known of Rogue to stay out late or come home smelling of liquor and a strange man.

But that is just what she had done the night before and the flowers were the stinking proof that the swamp trash that drove her home was working some of his own moves on her. The predator in him did not like having his prey stalked by another hunter.

He looked at her closely, her cheeks starting to heat and her eyes flashing as she told him goodnight. Without her makeup she looked younger, more like the girl, but the lines of her face has sharpened, her mouth was more full and her hair was, while in a childish ponytail, curling and wild. 'She would be wild,' he mused, then immediately chased the thought from his mind.

He could not leave her with the last word so he said, "You call him?"

Rogue stopped in mid turn and stiffened. So they WERE from him then. Not that he had any real doubt, but they could have been from Ice-Pop. Her gaze was frosty as she said, "Not yet. Why?"

'Because I can't stand to think of another man touching you,' he wanted to shout, but he said, "He's trouble."

Rogue laughed then, "You're one to talk. Everyone here is afraid of you. The older students remember what you did during the invasion. The younger ones have heard the rumors. You ARE trouble.

"Like Ah told you before, who Ah see and what Ah do is not your business."  
Before he could stop her she was gone, leaving the stink of wild flowers in her wake.

The next morning broke clear and sunny. Rogue wanted no part of it and flopped on her stomach and slammed the pillow over her head. She needed to get up and run off some of the cookies and popcorn she ate last night, but she felt neither the usual desire to run nor the energy to even move.

Instead of reading she spent half the night munching and brooding on her encounter with Logan in the kitchen. As usual he was being closed off and grouchy, but there was something else that bothered Rogue.

He was jealous.

She smiled slightly at that though, and stretched. Not that he had any claim to her, she reminded herself. If she were smart she would tell him off once and for all and wash her hands of him. And while she knew that was the best thing for her, a relationship with a man that was still in love with a dead woman could not be healthy, a part of her was elated that he was showing interest.

At last.

Deciding to give up on more sleep, but also deciding to skip her daily run, she got out of bed and was almost finished dressing for the day when she got a mental summons from the Professor.

Rogue, meet me in my office before you meet with Dr. McCoy please.

She took one last look in the mirror, glad she decided on her burgundy turtleneck and black slacks since she now had a meeting with the Professor. Snapping a simple silver drop pendant from her neck, and pulling on her black gloves, she headed down to The Professors' office. As she drew near the door she heard Logan's voice from inside the office.

What could he want with the both of them? She entered the office, giving a cheery good morning to the Professor, and a polite but distant hello to Logan, and took a seat.

"I would like to discuss with you my plans for the next few months, before the next semester begins," the Professor started. "I know, Rogue, that you have had another offer and you have not made a decision yet, but for the present I would like to move forward as if you were staying on. That way if you do decide to stay on here you will be all ready when the new classes begin."

"Sounds fair Professor," she said, cutting her eyes at Logan.

"Good, then let me tell you what I have in mind. Our Physical Education program is, for the lack of a better term, nonexistent. We need to create a program that combines physical fitness and diet with practical self-defense skills. Skills that can be built upon. There is nothing like a solid foundation.

"As the Physical Education teacher this duty falls on you. I trust in your ability and skill, and know that you will do well but we have a resource at our disposal, even if for a few months, that we would should employ.

"That is why I would like you to work out the training program with Logan."

Rogue felt her vision begin to tunnel. He wanted her to work with Logan on a project that would require long hours of one-on-one work over the course of a few months. She looked at Logan and saw the smug look in his eyes. 'He knew, the bastard!! And now he is laughing at me!! Ah'll bet he thinks Ah will shrink back and make an excuse, as if Ah were afraid of him. Ah'll show him!!'

"Of course Professor, when do we start?"

She felt smug satisfaction in her decision until she looked again at Logan. His smile was broad and cheerful, but the look in his eyes made her stomach flutter.

Just what had she done??

I'm slow, but I will try to update when I can. None of my stories die, they just take a long time to write because I have a life. Hehe and a needy husband.

Thanks for all the great reviews. There will be more Remy in the next chapter. I wanted to give the poor movie Rogue some options. She deserves them!! (Plus, I just adore Remy. Even I don't know who she will end up with!!)

Ciao!!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

She was a fool. An utter and complete fool.

Rogue had allowed herself to be maneuvered by Logan, and she did not like it one bit. He looked so damn smug as they left the Professor's office, telling her they should start first thing tomorrow and acting so cool towards her.

She wanted to scream!

Beast looked down at Rogue, noting her blood pressure had spiked and said gently, "Want to talk about it?"

Feeling a blush creep into her cheeks Rogue mumbled no and took several deep breaths. Logan was acting strange and it bothered her. Looking at the situation objectively she knew she was allowing her emotions to rule her actions. Was she reading too much into Logan's actions?

True, Logan had been acting strange lately, but she could not blame him. The time on the road has been hard, and she knew better than anyone else how hard it was for him to interact with other people. She could not be angry with him for not wanting her the way she wanted him, and that was the bottom line. His return is a good thing, and she would stop acting like a fool.

She flinched as Beast injected her with some anesthetic so he could remove a skin sample. Beast said that he wanted to start with more traditional tests before he ventured into more 'alternative' scientific studies. Allowing her mind to drift away again she began to contemplate another matter that had been niggling the back of her mind. Remy.

The flowers he had sent were perfect. Wild flowers were her favorite with their unique blooms and colors. He was either quite perceptive or very experienced. Maybe some of both she reasoned. Men that good looking do not sit home alone each night. She would call him, and she would do it as soon as she was finished with Beast, she decided. Besides, she chuckled, she could not think of a better candidate to help her move on from Logan than Remy.

As they finished with the last of the tissue and blood samples Beat told her they would not be meeting tomorrow but could resume the following day. Happily she agreed and went back to her room. The playing card was still there, next to her flowers. Fresh nerves twisted in her belly as she picked up the phone.

Her fingers shook a little as she dialed the number, and as the phone rang her belly began to quiver in earnest.

"Bonjour," said the deep voice at the other end of the line.

Rogue hesitated, and then said, "Is this Remy?"

"Oui chere, it's Remy. I'm glad you called. Was beginning to think you not going to."

"Sorry about that. Ah've been … busy. Ah want to thank you for the flowers. I love them. They're perfect."

"My pleasure, chere. You read Remy's card?"

"Yes, and Ah wanted to take you up on your offer, if it's still open?"

"Remy would love to have dinner with you. You just say when."

"How does tonight work for you?"

…

Rogue looked again at the clock on her dresser and sighed. She had been through every outfit she owned and nothing was quite right. She would normally go with her old stand-by of jeans and t-shirts, but he told her that she would want to be more dressed up tonight. All her dresses were far too conservative for the sake of her skin, and she wanted something more … sexy.

Chewing her lip and looking in her closet for the fiftieth time she pulled out another dress and held it up to herself in the mirror. It would work, she decided. Not too dressy, not too casual. She slipped it on and looked at her reflection carefully. The dress was black satin with sheer black sleeves. The dress was cut in a daring v but the sheer fabric kept it modest. The skirt cinched at the waist and draped down just below the knee. Turning the skirt swung playfully around her legs. It was perfect.

She slipped on some sheer black stockings, added a cheerful red beaded necklace and black gloves. All in all, she liked the look, but she called Kitty anyway for a second opinion. Kitty was shocked when she saw Rogue, and she started to ask a thousand questions. Rogue told her very briefly about her encounter with the mysterious Cajun and asked, "Ah have not been out much and I wanted to know what you thought? He said we were meeting for dinner downtown so I wanted to look … nice," she finished lamely.

Kitty beamed at her and said, "You look perfect. His eyes will roll back in his head!"

Rogue smiled, tucked her hair behind her ear, and said, "Thanks, Kitty."

She and Kitty walked out into the hall and as Rogue was going down the stairs the ran into Beast.

"My dear, I must say you look lovely this evening." He smiled at her warmly and she smiled back.

"Thanks, sugar!" She made her way down to her car and as she pulled out of the garage she had one fleeting thought of Logan. 'No, not tonight.' She ordered herself not to think of him again. That part of her life was over and tonight she hoped to find the future.


End file.
